And no it wasn’t my child who had the epic meltdown it was me.
Let me explain lovelies….
The last 6 months or so have been insane in our house. I mean our lives have always been busy but in the last six months in addition to working my own job my husband and I have started our own business, well two in fact. My husband run our business and works in it full-time, I have taken on the bookkeeping and administration, and well let’s just say this isn’t my chosen profession! I am learning a lot and have some great supports but it is a steep learning curve and a big workload to do after hours. Plus I am used to knowing my job inside and out so not being the ‘expert’ has been a hard pill to swallow for me. I have taken on the social media for the business and loads of other odd jobs that come with being a small business owner and the list is never-ending. Don’t get me wrong, I love it and enjoy it and we have an amazing team working for us but, as any mum knows trying to be a mum and work is hard enough. Being a mum, working, managing your own business and all the stresses that come with whilst living in constant pain, well let’s just say it is a lot.
So let me get to the meltdown…. Today our 6-year-old wanted to make slime, easy enough one would think. But for a variety of reasons I managed about 4 hours sleep last night, I woke up cranky and exhausted and with what can be best described as a permanent resting b*tch face!
I’ve had a particularly busy week and well beyond my normal exhausted levels and my hormones are super out of whack thanks to an endo flare up and change in meds. But back to the meltdown… so after master 6 year-old tried to replicate what his 8-year-old cousin had created the day before but without success I went to old faithful, YouTube for answers from crafting and DIY gods. After watching mind numbing blogs on how to make slime and then attempting to replicate without any success I lost it. My husband asked me a question and I burst into tears, ran off screaming like a banshee that ‘I can’t even make simple f*cking slime, I am useless’ or something to that effect.
I sat sobbing on my bed feeling like a complete failure that a grown woman couldn’t make a simple batch of slime. Was it the slime? No, well yes I was super annoyed about it but, it was my straw, the straw that broke this strong mums back. I have been pushing on for weeks and months saying I am ok and I can do this and not wanting to let anyone down, spreading myself so thin that I have nothing left in the tank for myself. As I sat with this giant ball of emotion in my chest feeling angry and upset and worthless the person I was most upset with was me. I know better, I know and constantly sprout about self-care and making time for yourself and I was not doing what I preach. And to make matters worse I was letting that negative voice in my head win, the voice that tells you that you suck, that you can’t do this instead of telling her to sit down, shut up and take notes because the boss is back.
Yes self-care is super important and what that means for you is different from the next person, but how we talk to ourselves is equally as important, telling ourselves it’s ok to admit you are tired, it’s ok to be struggling and need a rest or break but that you can do this, you’ve got this, you just need to do it your way and it’s ok to say hey I need help. Tell your partner you need help, you need an hour to have quiet time to yourself, message a friend and reach out to someone who understands and will support you.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help or a break or to unload and vent to a friend, but don’t ever tell yourself you’re a failure because of it, true strength comes from knowing your strengths, weakness and limits and knowing how to navigate them without breaking. So remind yourself you are amazing, that you’ve got this, that you’re not perfect but no-one is and it’s ok if you failed, tomorrow is another opportunity to succeed and be the awesome person you know you are.
As for my defeat against slime, well tomorrow is round two and I am determined to rock it!